By Nina Roesner
I remember when my kids were little, social media wasn't a thing. The big concern at the time was how much "screen time" was acceptable. I remember talking in the early 2000's with one older, wiser mom who told me, "Letting your children watch TV unsupervised is like inviting a stranger into your home to influence their morals. You have to watch what they watch, listen to what music they are listening to, and know the families of their friends to protect and raise them right." We limited screens to an hour a day, and I made dinner while they either watched their shows or played their games so I was hearing the content.
Enter Instagram, Youtube, and Facebook.
We had strict rules around social media use, waiting until high school (yes, my oldest took a ton of teasing about this). We would openly talk about what friends were doing, and I soon realized social media put my kid at risk 100% of the time for being exposed to the dark underbelly of culture. Good things also, absolutely. But if I could do it all over again, I'd say NO more often. As you probably know, dealing with teenagers can be challenging. I remember driving off with the wifi router to keep them off the internet while I was gone. I'd give it back when the chores and homework were finished. As the years went on, they became even more mortified at my disrupting their internet access. And, consecutively, the entire world, even PEP, became more reliant on the internet. Every day was a battle on the front lines. It felt like the battle waged between me and the kids, but it was really me against the enemy, and the world's influence. That is nothing new, it's just taken on a different form.
Here's a piece of hope for you - my three are now 20-somethings, and they have said THEIR kids won't have access to social media!
We shall see.
The research is in - the bad effects outweigh the good, and the discussion is likely to be an area of contention. Here's an article from Mayo Clinic about the effects.
It doesn't seem fair that the last part of a child's brain to fully develop is the prefrontal cortex, the home of common sense. At a time when they need wisdom the most, their brains percolate in a slew of hormones and development until they reach 25-27 years old. And thanks to social media, our kids are being exposed to an entire world of which we aren't even aware.
And they aren't prepared to handle.
I write this to encourage you to STAND YOUR GROUND. Fight this fight. TikTok is FULL of pornography. Mental disorders are running rampant because of the Instagram (and other platforms) comparisons to seemingly perfect bodies, perfect lives, airbrushed acne-free skin and happy everything. And our kids think that's what they are supposed to have - but it isn't real.
If you have mutually respectful relationships with your kids, your battle will be easier. They will see your heart and if you involve them in the limit-setting, helping them understand the "why" behind your concerns, they will develop self-control in this age against social media addiction (or pornography addiction) by learning how to navigate it in the safest environment they will ever have - your home. If you model following the same rules you impose on your kids, they'll respect you even more - and it will be good for you, too. Kids aren't the only ones impacted by the damaging effects of social media usage. Wondering how to cut back? This may sound counter-intuitive, but there are apps for that! HabitShare is one you might try - inviting your kids into keeping YOU accountable also will build mutual respect in your relationships.
Happy parenting!
Nina Roesner is the CEO and Founder of Greater Impact, a Harper Collins Author, hosts the What to Say & How to Say It podcast, and is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with ICF.